Purgatory Online

Friday, April 16, 2004


People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) had a 12-word statement engraved in an 8-by-8 inch brick -- the commemorative bricks were offered by the Padres as part of a permanent display surrounding the team's new $411 million stadium.

The message reads, "Break Open Your Cold Ones! Toast The Padres! Enjoy This Championship Organization!" The first letter of every word spells "BOYCOTT PETCO."

I envision throngs of Padres fans descending on Inexplicably Capitalized Kibble Merchant Park, only to turn back in horror as they realize the true meaning of the secret message encoded on one of the bricks. The Padres, PETCO, and indeed the entire pet industry are doubtless quaking in their sealskin boots.